We arrived in the ultrasound room, I was on a gurney. The magnesium made everything foggy for me, and because of the magnesium and impending surgery they had withheld all liquids and food from me from Sunday until Wednesday, Christmas day @ 3. They said no to my pleas for ice chips , my mouth hurt to talk from lack of fluids, I was excited for pill time because then I would eek out one extra sip of water. I tried to not take too much during those moments in fear that they'd stop letting me take my pills with water. At one point after begging for a nurse just to mist my mouth they finally let me have a wet sponge to moisten my mouth and throat and like the pills I tried not to ask too often for those in fear that they would take them away. To be honest when someone said something about me missing Christmas dinner my reply was I don't mind I would be ecstatic just to have unlimited ice chips. I had big dreams lol. The other thing that was bugging me was every time I'd move or would try to roll on my side the catheter would roll and that was probably more uncomfortable for me then the incision I would have in a few days.
So back on track, we got ready for the ultrasound where they had to move me from gurney to table, all while the catheter hurt so bad with every move I made. I was miserable, I was looking for any sign of hope that this would all be ok. As the ultrasound technician starts taking measurements and showing us our unborn son we were glued to the screen. I remember that during previous ultrasounds Isaac loved to hide his face towards the back of his "cave" lol. So when it came time to get some stats on the blood flow to the back of his head He hid in such a way that the ultrasound couldn't get her required information. She kept trying though, at first just saying he was being stubborn, then as she rolled me side to side and tried to shake him loose her comments became he is the most stubborn baby she has ever seen, to complete meltdown mode when she threw in the towel and went for help, she then made the comment he is soooo stubborn he's going to make me cry. It was a bittersweet comment because here I was facing major surgery a very young preemie and a plan that was quickly changing from my ideal pregnancy, plus did I mention I was pining for ICE CHIPS? Scratch that, unlimited water sponges would of been amazing! Who dreams of such simple things? People without water sources and poor dehydrated me. All I could think is why would you say that a stubborn ultrasound baby would make you cry to a soon to be mother that is watching her son on the screen wondering if he'd even survive this ordeal, or if I would survive the surgery at all myself, what would my family do if I didn't, if I lost Isaac would I lose my chance to raise a child from my own womb? Yes maybe that seems quite drastic and I would say that God carried most of those thoughts right back out of my mind while soothing me with his promises of always being with me and his sovereign plan is always perfectly his will. But while I was thinking how dare you offer to cry, I had another thought too I had inherently named Isaac James after a very stubborn man who also had a knack for making people cry in frustration, and his blood though no longer with us in his flesh coarsed through both my veins and Isaac's. That man would be my recently deceased Grandfather James, at that moment I had so much hope that all would be well because I knew that stubborness goes hand in hand with the ability to fight against all odds :) So at that moment drugged, parched and in shock, I didn't tell that tech that her comment was rude and inappropriate at this time, I instead smiled up at her and said sorry it's because his middle name is James :)
So back on track, we got ready for the ultrasound where they had to move me from gurney to table, all while the catheter hurt so bad with every move I made. I was miserable, I was looking for any sign of hope that this would all be ok. As the ultrasound technician starts taking measurements and showing us our unborn son we were glued to the screen. I remember that during previous ultrasounds Isaac loved to hide his face towards the back of his "cave" lol. So when it came time to get some stats on the blood flow to the back of his head He hid in such a way that the ultrasound couldn't get her required information. She kept trying though, at first just saying he was being stubborn, then as she rolled me side to side and tried to shake him loose her comments became he is the most stubborn baby she has ever seen, to complete meltdown mode when she threw in the towel and went for help, she then made the comment he is soooo stubborn he's going to make me cry. It was a bittersweet comment because here I was facing major surgery a very young preemie and a plan that was quickly changing from my ideal pregnancy, plus did I mention I was pining for ICE CHIPS? Scratch that, unlimited water sponges would of been amazing! Who dreams of such simple things? People without water sources and poor dehydrated me. All I could think is why would you say that a stubborn ultrasound baby would make you cry to a soon to be mother that is watching her son on the screen wondering if he'd even survive this ordeal, or if I would survive the surgery at all myself, what would my family do if I didn't, if I lost Isaac would I lose my chance to raise a child from my own womb? Yes maybe that seems quite drastic and I would say that God carried most of those thoughts right back out of my mind while soothing me with his promises of always being with me and his sovereign plan is always perfectly his will. But while I was thinking how dare you offer to cry, I had another thought too I had inherently named Isaac James after a very stubborn man who also had a knack for making people cry in frustration, and his blood though no longer with us in his flesh coarsed through both my veins and Isaac's. That man would be my recently deceased Grandfather James, at that moment I had so much hope that all would be well because I knew that stubborness goes hand in hand with the ability to fight against all odds :) So at that moment drugged, parched and in shock, I didn't tell that tech that her comment was rude and inappropriate at this time, I instead smiled up at her and said sorry it's because his middle name is James :)
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