Let's jump ship or just not have any brakes....

So let's go back a few months in time, back to warm weather during the day, and sweaters by night. Not sure of the actual date, must of been around beginning of October. I've always noticed God's fingerprints in my life and this was surely one of those days.

Ever have one of those days, where nothing goes right? (if you haven't then I think you're just in denial lol)   There are those days that it goes from bad, to annoying, to really?! Most of the time when it gets to that point I just laugh, really what else can you do? On this particular day I fumed, then I laughed, then I looked and saw God's hand there protecting me and unborn baby Isaac.

It was a grain day, meaning I was going to take the truck about 40 minutes south to a feed store where I pick up over 300 lbs of feed and horse bedding, on grain day I would meet my friend (who owns the grain store) for lunch. The catch is her lunch is at noon-1 if I'm early no big deal, if I'm late I'd miss lunch with her and have to wait until 1 for her to get back. As luck would have it I had a lesson scheduled for later that day and had a lesson earlier that morning so I had this perfect window to run all my errands in. I think you know where this is going, it's easy to see looking back but in the moment it's hard to remember it is just a day and really what does some inconvenience matter? Isn't it so though that God uses those times to speak to us, to get our attention, remind us who truly is in charge?

I remember thinking in order to be there on time I needed to leave and drive straight there, but as I left the door I was already behind schedule. I got to the truck to realize that I had just enough gas to get me a few miles into town, the opposite way of the store. Great now I was going to be really late. Not wanting to be responsible for being late I called my husband, who last drove the truck, and asked why he didn't tell me the truck needed gas, he said he told me the night before. Huh who knew? Guess I'm not as good of a listener as I thought. Well great now the bad mood cloud was looming over me, so as I fretted I figured out that I could make it to the next town down, it would be out of the way but not as bad and was only 10 miles or so from my house too. Now I just needed to call my friend and change a few plans like having her meet me at the restaurant, but i still had to hurry.

So I stopped at the gas station and got gas paid at the pump to speed things up and got back in the truck to leave. I was in a hurry, irritated that I didn't leave earlier, angry that I didn't hear my husband tell me about the low gas and did I say in a hurry? I turned the truck on and pushed the brake down to...... wait the brake pedal went all the way to the floor, I'm normally not so dense but with the baby brain and being in a hurry it took me a second to realize I just lost my brakes.  Panicked I called up my husband, and asked if I could nurse it home, I could still stop just not easily at all. Ok stop worrying I'm still here today and honestly leaving the truck there would've stressed me out more, I knew I could go really, really slow all the way home those 10 miles and that for the most part it is a flat easy drive and well I'm stubborn so I wanted to get home.  So I called my friend told her the deal, laughed at my luck and told her I'd see her later. Then I inched out of the gas station. As I took my time getting home I realized that all those "irritations and interruptions" were God's way of protecting me and keeping me safe and reminding me not to be so easily angered by little hiccups in the day. Think of it this way I was pregnant (in my second trimester), I was going to be 40 miles from home with a truck full of grain. I could have lost the brakes at any time! Going down the road at 60, stop for an animal, a car, who knows what and wham no brakes! What would have happened to me, how about Isaac? Or what if I had been on my way home from grain and lost them I would've been stranded, that route was much hillier and with the added weight of grain it would've been even harder to stop. So many inconveniences landed me closer to home and they kept me safe. I'm soooo glad that while all ended well God showed me to wait on him once again and to praise him in all situations even when everything is going wrong, because in the end he knows what is best.

The move

Which hospitals did we prefer? How were we to know? Our options were closer to home or farther from home. We picked closer but in the end we ended up at the farther away one. Reason being was the closer one was only willing to take the baby once he was born, for their NICU dept. So our Dr. came back said "the closer one isn't an option anymore we need you to deliver at the hospital where your baby will be, it will be best for both of you. We want to send you by helicopter but the weather is too questionable for that, so you'll go by ambulance"
   Then chaos ensued, I wish I could remember every detail, every moment as it all happened, instead I have a very warped memory on it. Sure I remember almost everything but it was so foggy and out of this world to me, it is so hard to explain. So put it this way, most of this story is from my perspective so when something sounds over dramatic or crazy or just doesn't really make sense, then I'll know I did a good job of documenting my thoughts at that time lol.
  Once a hospital was picked they hooked me up to magnesium to help keep my blood pressure stable and lower my risk for a stroke or seizure. Anyone who has ever been on magnesium would never forget it, it's an awful drug it turns your thoughts foggy, makes everything super blurry and hard to focus in on, and slows down your reflexes. When the magnesium kicked in I really wanted to just sleep it was too hard to look at anyone because I just couldn't focus my eyes on anything. Before we left they gave me the first of two steroid shots, to help Isaac's lungs to develop,  those conveniently were given in the upper thigh, not fun. Did I mention yet that I hate needles? They then put a second I.V.in for the next hospital, so I was ready if I had to go to surgery upon arrival. Lastly they put a catheter in so I wouldn't have to worry about potty breaks, I told them I'd rather hold it, to that I was told I'd need one for surgery anyways. The OB nurse and OB dr. both decided to ride in the ambulance with me, I was so warm I kept wanting to sleep, which they said I could, well then I couldn't fall asleep lol, every few minutes they would take my blood pressure and if it was too high they would put a b.p. med in my i.v. to lower it, at one point it went too low so they had to give me an IV med to bring it back up. Just the look on the faces was troublesome, they were so solemn. When we got close to the Hospital's town the ambulance turned on the lights and sirens, "Am I still ok" I squeaked out? Thankfully the answer was yes this was just to get through town quicker with the stoplights. However then I thought of Matt as he was following me, what would he think, would he know I'm still ok? Again luckily he was 15 minutes behind us and never saw the lights.
We arrived at the hospital, they took my stretcher and me out of the ambulance and brought me inside, the nurse got back in the ambulance, the Dr. paused looking solemn still and gave me a nod of approval and told me " Good luck, I'll be thinking about you" and then walked back to the ambulance. There I lay feeling the comradeship of a team and knowing that I was about to start the next leg of my adventure with completely different people.

Just In Time

How do you know when to go to the hospital? At what point do you decide you feel so ill that you have to visit the E.R.? For me it always seems like I wait until I can't sleep, not toss and turn sleep, just flat out I can't sleep, I hurt so much.  In this case I spent a few days waiting to go to the hospital, in the evening I would feel awful, during the day it was more tolerable. My back ached so bad and stretched into my ribs, yeah try asking a dr. what to do about intense back pain during pregnancy, their response was "welcome to being pregnant". So I prayed, "God what do I need to do? Surely I can't spend the next three months like this I feel awful. Am I sick? Why do I feel so bad?"
His response came Sunday night, I no longer was able to keep food down, I tried the safe options, nope, then the last resorts like jello, nope how about juice and milk? Nope. I still could keep water down but how do I fight a cold, heal my body, grow a baby and not starve myself on water? The answer is I couldn't I needed nutrition, my body could only take so much.
All I needed was some pain meds that would help me and not hurt baby, and some IV nutrition. That's what I thought I needed, I imagined they would keep me overnight and then I'd be better and I'd be home in time for Christmas. Boy was I wrong.
I remember calling Matt on the phone, as he was outside doing chores, and telling him I needed to go to the hospital. Then I texted my mom and nonchalantly told her my hospital plans, it was no big deal, standard stuff. Matt and I joked about now knowing how to get to this hospital and how long it would take so we knew for when the baby was supposed to be born in March. Looking back that seems really ironic.
We got to the hospital around 9 pm, was admitted and had already seen a nurse by 9:30. They had hooked me up to an IV, had me do a urine sample and then left.
Time ticked by, the hospitalist asked me about preclampsia, I said they had run a baseline back at the beginning of Dec. She compared notes, asked about headaches, nope, dizziness, nope, blurred or irregular vision, nope to that too. She then said to the nurse to get the OB Dr. on the phone for her, and then she left again.

Call it God's peace,  because while I had the inkling things were quickly turning into something worse than a stubborn cold, I wasn't scared or nervous I was just there, waiting for relief, waiting to be fixed, and knowing that God had this, nothing they would tell me would be bigger than my God. Thank goodness for that peace because when the hospitalist came back in, she stood in the corner, very much concerned. What she said next should have rattled me, but it didn't I just laid there listening to what she said knowing that God was in charge, what else could I do?
She stood in that corner,clearly upset " I really should sit down to tell you this, but we don't have time. You're really sick and you will deliver your baby prematurely. Do you have a preference in hospitals to be transferred to?" .......

Stubbornness part 2

We arrived in the ultrasound room, I was on a gurney. The magnesium made everything foggy for me, and because of the magnesium and impending surgery they had withheld all liquids and food from me from Sunday until Wednesday, Christmas day @ 3. They said no to my pleas for ice chips , my mouth hurt to talk from lack  of fluids, I was excited for pill time because then I would eek out one extra sip of water. I tried to not take too much during those moments in fear that they'd stop letting me take my pills with water.  At one point after begging for a nurse just to mist my mouth they finally let me have a wet sponge to moisten my mouth and throat and like the pills I tried not to ask too often for those in fear that they would take them away.  To be honest when someone said something about me missing Christmas dinner my reply was I don't mind I would be ecstatic just to have unlimited ice chips.  I had big dreams lol.  The other thing that was bugging me was every time I'd move or would try  to roll on my side the catheter would roll and that was probably more uncomfortable for me  then the incision I would have in a few days.

  So back on track,  we got ready for  the ultrasound where they had to move me from gurney to table, all while the catheter hurt so bad with every move I made. I was miserable, I was looking for any sign of hope that this would all be ok. As the ultrasound technician starts taking measurements and showing us our unborn son we were glued to the screen. I remember that during previous ultrasounds Isaac loved to hide his face towards the back of his "cave" lol. So when it came time to get some stats on the blood flow to the back of his head He hid in such a way that the ultrasound couldn't get her required information. She kept trying though, at first just saying he was being stubborn, then as she rolled me side to side and tried to shake him loose her comments became he is the most stubborn baby she has ever seen, to complete meltdown mode when she threw in the towel and went for help, she then made the comment he is soooo stubborn he's going to make me cry. It was a bittersweet comment because here I was facing major surgery a very young preemie and a plan that was quickly changing from my ideal pregnancy, plus did I mention I was pining for ICE CHIPS? Scratch that, unlimited water sponges would of been amazing! Who dreams of such simple things? People without water sources and poor dehydrated me. All I could think is why would you say that a stubborn ultrasound baby would make you cry to a soon to be mother that is watching her son on the screen wondering if he'd even survive this ordeal, or if I would survive the surgery at all myself, what would my family do if I didn't, if I lost Isaac would I lose my chance to raise a child from my own womb? Yes maybe that seems quite drastic and I would say that God carried most of those thoughts right back out of my mind while soothing me with his promises of always being with me and his sovereign plan is always perfectly his will. But while I was thinking how dare you offer to cry, I had another thought too I had inherently named Isaac James after a very stubborn man who also had a knack for making people cry in frustration, and his blood though no longer with us in his flesh coarsed through both my veins and Isaac's. That man would be my recently deceased Grandfather James, at that moment I had so much hope that all would be well because I knew that stubborness goes hand in hand with the ability to fight against all odds :) So at that moment drugged, parched and in shock, I didn't tell that tech that her comment was rude and inappropriate at this time, I instead smiled up at her and said sorry it's because his middle name is James :)

Stubbornness

so the moment I knew that Isaac had a fighting chance , was a day before his birth. they had scheduled  an ultrasound to see if it was even worth keeping me at risk for him anymore there comes a point with preeclampsia helps syndrome  that the baby is safer on the outside and for the mother it is life saving to deliver the baby as soon as possible. At this point I opted to wait as long as I could so Isaac's lungs had time to develop a little bit more, ideally they wanted to wait till Christmas but the ultrasound on Monday revealed that he was going to be better off being delivered a day early then to hold out till Christmas. To say I was scared would be an odd comment I was heavily drugged on magnesium to prevent me from having a seizure from the high blood pressure everything was a blur. In the moments that I would get scared I just remembered that God had already written my story nothing I did and nothing I would choose would change my story. Matt, Isaac, and when I went down for the ultrasound, I was really looking forward to seeing my little boy once again through technology.............

So I keep having people request updates on Isaac and while I'm doing so on Facebook there is sooooooo much more to the story, little ways throughout this baby process that God has shown himself as faithful and loving and ever so present. I want you guys to know the whole story not just the stats so here we go, let's start a journey. These stories may be out of order but they will all contain my experience of waiting on God. Mostly I'm doing this for myself I want to remember these details and if I journal in a notebook nobody else will know his story unless I tell them, and honestly I love to talk about it but with only so many hours in a day I can only retell so many stories :) So here we go the story of Issac our Christmas Eve baby who we weren't expecting until March 25. The same baby I never thought I'd conceive naturally. He is named after Isaac in the bible for the same reason that that Isaac earned his name he's the son we never thought we'd have and when I found out that my 3 weeks of unexplained nauseousness was actually morning sickness for a 9 week old fetus, I then laughed. (Isaac means laughter). His middle name is James for my grandpa who passed away this year, whose life and death greatly impacts Isaac's story for in Grandpa's death I realized that life is short and it is unpredictable and ultimately God's timing, though hard to digest, is ALWAYS perfect. So please join my journey I can guarantee you there will be typo's and grammatical errors and yes they drive me nuts to but when a pumping schedule only allows you to sleep 2 hour sleep stretches at a time and you have a baby to visit and family to call and well you can see where I'm going with this, I don't have time to proof read and I will probably not even keep up with this but I will try my best just know you are getting my heart with each post and hopefully the writing won't make you cringe too much lol :) Also we've had people ask how they can help and the best thing I can say is however you want mainly prayer we need lots! We need people to come and drive me up to Madison so I can see my baby I can even drive sometimes do but it's a long drive and I'd love company, misc gifts such as meals or gas cards we are really busy travelling now we don't have time to cook like before, if you feel moved to give financially for our medical bills and misc costs which we haven't thought of yet a friend of ours set up this link to safely and conveniently give. The address is Blessings for Baby Isaac Williams | Medical Expenses - YouCaring.com. Thanks for reading I hope this motivates you to find God's little miracles in the good and the bad, because he is always there :)